Getting a smartphone has become a modern rite of passage for children, much like how many of us once experienced our first taste of independence by taking the public bus alone. But while the bus simply took us from one place to another in the real world, a smartphone opens the door to a vast digital universe. This world is full of exciting opportunities such as learning, connection, and creativity, but it also carries hidden risks.
A report by The Straits Times found that in Singapore, nearly two-thirds of children aged seven to nine use smartphones daily, and more than 40% already own one. As smartphones become increasingly common at younger ages, parents are faced with the challenge of deciding when and if their child is ready to step into this world.
Age Is Just a Number
Many parents wonder at what age a child should have their own phone. But age isn’t the only or most important factor. What really matters is whether the child is mature and responsible enough to handle what comes with owning a smartphone. Some children may be ready at ten, while others may still struggle at fifteen. Every child is different, and the decision should be based on your child’s ability to make wise choices, follow rules, and understand the dangers and benefits of the internet.
Can They Handle Peer Pressure?
One of the first things to think about is whether your child can resist peer pressure. It’s common for children to ask for a phone simply because “everyone else has one.” But a phone should not be a way to fit in. It’s important to make sure your child won’t feel pressured to follow others into unsafe or inappropriate behaviours online, such as sending harmful messages or sharing private content. You may also want to check with other parents to see what their rules are or whether their children even have smartphones yet.
Signs of Responsibility
Responsibility is another key factor. If your child often misplaces their homework, school supplies, or even their wallet, they may not be ready to take care of something as expensive and important as a smartphone. It may be wiser to wait until they show they can be trusted with their belongings and follow daily routines well.
Respect for Rules
Another important question to ask is whether your child respects the house rules you’ve already set. If they regularly argue over bedtime or try to skip homework, they may find it even harder to follow rules about screen time, app use, or what’s allowed online. A child who is already able to manage their time and responsibilities offline will be more likely to handle the rules that come with smartphone ownership.
School Comes First
You should also consider how your child is doing in school. If they’re already distracted in class or have trouble focusing on homework, giving them a smartphone might make it harder for them to stay on track. Phones can be very distracting with all the games, videos, and social apps they offer.
Is It a Need or a Want?
Sometimes, your child might actually need a phone. This may be the case if they stay back in school often for CCAs, group work, or if you need to be able to reach them in case of an emergency. In such situations, it might make sense to give them some form of a phone. But this doesn’t have to be a full-featured smartphone. You can let them use your phone for schoolwork for a set time each day or consider getting them a simple phone that only makes calls and sends texts.
“But All My Friends Have One”
What do you do when your child comes home from school in tears, feeling left out because her friends are chatting after school on WhatsApp, and she isn’t included? Maybe she says she feels “ancient” without a phone of her own.
It can be heartbreaking to see your child upset, even when you believe you’re doing what’s best for her. In these moments, it helps to acknowledge her feelings first. Tell her it’s okay to feel sad or left out. Listen without jumping to fix the situation. Then, gently explain the reasons behind your decision. Let her know that having no phone is not a punishment but a choice that protects her joy of being outdoors, reading, and focusing on school without the added pressure of group chats and digital drama.
Help her find other ways to stay connected. Maybe she can write letters, call her friends using your phone at agreed times, or plan simple meetups after school. These small gestures can help her feel included while still staying screen-free. Let her know she’s not alone—and neither are you.
If you’re a parent who’s also choosing to delay devices or limit screen time, your stories and support are welcome. It’s encouraging to hear how other families handle these challenges with creativity, courage, and care.
Understanding the Dangers
While smartphones provide convenience and access to useful tools, they also expose children to real dangers. Cyberbullying is one of the most serious concerns. Many children have been hurt by online messages, rumours, or even edited photos shared without permission. These digital actions can lead to emotional pain, fear of school, and even a drop in academic performance. Another concern is sexting, which involves sending or receiving sexual messages or images. Children may think these messages are private, but anything shared online can be saved or shared without their control. Sometimes, this comes with lasting consequences.
Parenting in the Digital Age
That’s why parents need to consider the risks and benefits carefully. Even if your child insists they need a phone, remember that there are always other ways to contact you or complete their schoolwork. In fact, giving your child a phone without internet access might be a good first step.
Set the Right Example
Beyond choosing the right time and type of phone, what matters most is the relationship you have with your child. Children learn by watching. If they see you constantly on your phone, even during family time or meals, they will follow your example. That’s why it’s important to model the behaviour you want from them. Put away your phone during important moments and show that real-life relationships matter more than screen time.
Create Clear Family Rules
Setting clear rules as a family also helps. Every household is different, and it’s okay if your rules aren’t the same as your neighbour’s. You can discuss with your child what phone use should look like in your home. For example, you might agree that phones should be kept away during mealtimes or switched off at bedtime. Some families even create a simple agreement or “phone contract” that everyone signs. This makes expectations clear and builds trust between parent and child.
Use Tech Tools Wisely
If you do decide to give your child a smartphone, make sure to set up parental controls and safety tools before they start using it. Both Android and Apple phones have settings that let you block adult content or limit screen time. There are also apps that help track location, block unsafe websites, and manage app downloads. It’s important to explain these tools to your child so they understand they are there for safety, not to spy on them. As your child shows more responsibility, you can slowly relax some of these restrictions.
Keep the Conversation Going
Most of all, keep the conversation open. Don’t treat the phone as something separate from family life. Talk about it just like you would about school or friends. You can show your child your own favourite apps or explain how you use your phone to stay organised or relax. If they’re on social media, help them check their privacy settings and talk about what’s okay to post and what’s better kept private. Be curious and encouraging, not judgmental.
The Most Powerful Tool: You
Giving your child a smartphone doesn’t have to be scary or stressful. With the right guidance, it can be a great way to teach responsibility, independence, and online kindness. Start the conversation early, set clear rules, and most importantly, build a relationship of trust. That way, when mistakes happen, as they surely will, your child will feel safe coming to you for help.
In the end, no app or filter can replace the role of a loving and involved parent. Your guidance, example, and support will always be the most powerful tools your child has in the digital world.
